Me: Do you need me to do the laundry?

Wife (crying): But you had to do it last week and I didn’t help at all.

Me (lying): No. We took it down there together.

Wife (some moaning with morning sickness pains now): I’m the worst wife ever.

Me: No, you’re not. You’re the best.Wife: But I haven’t done anything but lie here on the couch. You’ve had to do all the laundry, cooking and cleaning on your own.

Me (joke mockingly): Sure. You’re not doing anything. You’re just making a human being. Meanwhile I have to do the laundry. (melodramatically) Poor me.

Wife: You’re making the baby too.

Me: Don’t be ridiculous. Giving me any credit for making this baby is like you taking credit for the dinner I cooked because we went to the store together.

Wife (after contemplative silence): I like going to the store with you.

Me: I love you too.

I collect the laundry and carry it downstairs while my wife lies on the couch in intense pain as our child works on the transformation from embryo to fetus.

End scene