In the title of this blog, I make joking reference to perhaps the most famous written story of a couple with difficulty conceiving. The Bible — the Book of Genesis as well as New Testament references to the story — lays Abraham and Sarah’s difficulty in conceiving a child entirely at the feet of Sarah. I feel that this is silly and unfair. It is a disservice to Sarah and it is a disservice to Abraham in the absence of any kind of credible medical evidence.
Frighteningly, not all that much has changed in the last four thousand years with regard to the way that society views infertile couples. There is a presumption that infertility is the woman’s fault and the woman’s pain.
As I have mentioned elsewhere, my wife and I still do not know why we have not been able to successfully conceive. I categorically reject the notion that someone can be at “fault” for his or her anatomy, but even if we accept the idea that infertility is the “fault” of the partner whose medical condition makes conception difficult or impossible, it’s bothersome that so many people’s default position is to assume that the problem belongs to the woman.
Just as the blame cannot be laid at the feet of either partner, we share the pain. I have decided that I want children just as my wife has. My facebook feed is every bit as filled with friends becoming mothers and fathers as my wife’s is. And my jealousy at that just as profound. (Perhaps more so. I’m far more petty than she is.)
This blog will offer one anonymous male’s perspective on infertility as I struggle through it with my wife. I certainly do not claim to speak on behalf of all men who are similarly situated. I know there are lots of infertility blogs on the internet, though sadly men seem reticent about writing them. Every individual and every couple has a unique experience with the challenges posed by infertility, but I hope that my thoughts and experiences are of some worth amid so many personal accounts of infertility on the web.
As I am a fairly religious man and my Church’s theology heavily features birth and family, that will probably influence my writing at times. But at this moment, I have no intention to make this a religious blog.
I’m fairly certain that few eyes other than my own will ever fall on this blog. I’m not going out-of-my-way to publicize it like I could. If you’re reading this, I hope that you find something I have to say helpful or at least interesting. I welcome you to leave comments so long as the only person to whom you’re uncivil is me. It should be abundantly clear to even the most casual of readers that I need the support.
Of course, I hope that sometime soon my wife will have a positive pregnancy test and I can retire this blog. I am prepared to continue writing as long as this takes.